breakdowns

Some days everything just seems to fall apart. I find my self lost feeling like I am in the middle of the ocean on a boat, but everything is all wrong. I can't decide which way to go, all the maps make no sense, my compass is broken, and even the stars are all wrong.
It's never been the easiest for me to talk to people, and definitely not when something is wrong.
I'm feeling like the stitching of the network of support I had has just fallen apart, and I'm longing for the days when things were easier to make sense of.
Sure I can go hang out with my friends, but when you've been away for as long as I am at a time, what else do you have to talk about, but the past.
I'm not brave enough to go somewhere new on my own and start over. I used to be so happy about how everything has gone, but now things are like fuck. I'm unhappy. And I'm not sure what steps I can take to fix anything. Sure I've got a phone full of numbers, but I can't think of a reason to call anyone or even anything to talk about. I'm awash in a sea of loneliness and despair.